This Too Shall Pass

Gilda Radner (via kari-shma)

Him to me this morning…..

I’ve never been happier. My depression has completely lifted! I’m coming up on my 30 days of sobriety and I’m really fucking excited. I’m moving on with my life. I haven’t been dwelling on the far past for some time now, and I’m ready to move on from the recent past as well. I’m not letting anything or anyone hold me back. Not now. Not ever. I’m laying next to the most amazing man in the world. Everything between us is so perfect, natural, easy, comfortable, amazing, and wonderful; and I wish everyone could feel this great, even if its only for a moment. Because I’ve never felt this way before and I hope it never ends.

Stephen Marley Ft. Mos Def - Hey Baby

I’ve been gone awhile away from you 
And I hope you overstand 
That I’ve got to do what I must do 
To be a better man 
Cuz if I was to just to act a fool 
Do nothing with myself 
Then all my blessings would be cursed 
My world would crumble in 
It’s a joy when I sit down and 
Think of the good times that we have 
And what we do to make it through 
When the good turns to bad 
Well I hope you’ll find it in your heart 
And know these words are true 
And please don’t fuss 
Because I must go do what I must do 

Hey baby don’t you worry 
Even though the road is rocky 
I’ll be coming home to you again 
Cuz if you thought that I was lost 
I had to bare my cross 
Now I’m free from all these Chains 

A time, a space, a different place 
How perfect we might be 
I would be the wind that blows 
You’d be that Willow tree 
And I could never bare the thought of you not by my side 
So I would be the warmth of day 
You’d be the cool of night 
And everyday I pray to Jah that one day you will see 
And overstand the fact I must fulfill my destiny 
I hope you’ll find it in your heart and know these words are true 
And please don’t cry 
You know that I must do what I must do 

Well and it’s not easy 
Jah knows how I try, I try 
So don’t you get irie
Jah knows how I try, I try

God knows…
Life is one big road
With a lot of signs and turns & twists and curves
Even though the road is rocky
My main thing’s to rock and keep on rockin’
From city to city
Backyard to yard
And we be seein’ the sights, standin’ under the lights
And the spot is hot, it’s cold and lonely at night
And I’m feenin’ and I’m dreamin’ and I’m holding you tight
But hold on, every single road I roll on
Comes to an end and I’m back home again
So baby please don’t cry, there’s no valley low and there’s no mountain high
And our love don’t die with the passage of time
It just grows more, 
And just keep strong
And even though i’m gone, I am never too far
You’re the light thru the dark, shining right thru my heart
So my journey must start…

Naked Eyes - Always Something There To Remind Me (via crazy-in-love)

Well how can I forget you girl,
When there is always something there to remind me?
Always something there to remind me.

Bryant H. McGill

Hiking at the Hollywood sign. It’s beautiful and warm out

B.A. Billingsly

When I think of someone living in the past, I image them sitting in a room with pictures from their past spread out all over the floor. And all they do is pick up one picture at a time and relive that moment, good or bad, and dwell on it. Then they pick up another picture and do the same. It becomes this evil cycle. They are even able to tie all future events to the past in some sort of crazy method. This really saddens me because I did it for many years. Then I remember standing up and walking toward the doorway. I stopped, took one last look back at all my pictures scattered all over the floor. At last, I walked through that doorway and shut that door behind me. With me I took all the things I have learned from my past to better guide me in my future. Will I make mistakes again? Of course! Will I dwell on those mistakes? Of course not! I don’t know much, but I do know that I’m much happier now. =)

Sounds like a night for warm blankets, hot cocoa, another warm body next to me, and movies (preferably SM3 b/c I saw 1 and 2 already).

It’s my life
And it’s now or never
‘Cause I ain’t gonna live forever
I just want to live while I’m alive

-Bon Jovi

1 Corinthians 13:4-7 (via crazy-in-love)

A lot has changed over the past few weeks.

I can now say that I wake up every morning happy and excited to see what new things life has in store for me that day (good or bad). I’m no longer depressed or wishing I would just die every day. I stopped feeling sorry for myself for everything horrible that has happened to me or because of me over the past 3 years. I also stopped fearing about what other horrible things may come to happen in the future because I’ve gone through 3 years of hell and every time I fell, I got back up. I now know that I can overcome ANYTHING. I thought I lost my strength over the years, only to discover that the reason I’m still here is because I never lost it.

I’ve been learning about forgiveness. How to forgive others and myself. I’m doing really well with it and I’m amazed at how wonderful forgiveness is. It’s a good feeling to forgive someone for hurting you for something when they have no intention of ever asking for forgiveness. To finally let that go is like a huge stone lifted from the heart.

I’ve also been putting myself first for once. Taking care of me. Doing what I need to do in order to live a happy life. For example, missing a friend’s birthday party because I know people will be drinking there and not putting myself in that position because I’m a recovering addict and alcoholic. Yes, they might be upset I missed it but I know if they are a good friend, they will understand. I know I may hurt people’s feelings going down this road and hope most are willing to understand that I have no intentions of purposely hurting anyone. And hope that they love me enough to be happy for me and want the best for me.

I’m trying to stop caring about what people think about me. I worry about it so much. But why? I’m going to do what makes me happy and if they don’t like it, then fuck them. That’s what I say now. This is my life and I’m going to live it carefree of what others think about me.

Also, I’m working on not judging others. Who am I to judge someone on what they are wearing or how they are doing something? Because I would be judging them on my opinions of what I think is right or wrong from my knowledge or lack of knowledge. And I nor anyone else knows what is right or what is wrong. We are all flawed and people with flaws have no right to judge other people’s flaws. Of course this is all easier said then done because we live in a world were we judge people when interviewing them for a job, ect….

1 Samuel 16:7

“Stop judging others, and you will not be judged. For others will treat you as you treat them. Whatever measure you use in judging others, it will be used to measure how you are judged. And why worry about a speck in your friend’s eye when you have a log in your own? How can you think of saying, `Friend, let me help you get rid of that speck in your eye,’ when you can’t see past the log in your own eye? Hypocrite! First get rid of the log from your own eye, then perhaps you will see well enough to deal with the speck in your friend’s eye.”

I don’t sleep past noon anymore. I’m get up anytime between 7-10am which is amazing if you know me. I realized that I have the same energy in the morning if I sleep 2 hours or 20 because I never fully go into a deep restful sleep. This is something I’ll bring up to my doctor in the future but for now, I’m fine with the way it is.

I take everything one day at a time. I no longer live in the past or future. Just in the moment. And it feels wonderful!

I’m not perfect, nor will I ever be. But I know that I can better myself for me and everyone around me.

I leave in one month from today. I already booked the ticket awhile ago but I finally started telling people I’ve moving. Time is going to fly…..

Of course, I’m taking everything a day at a time. Some things are coming up that might keep me here in Los Angeles but we will see how it all pans out. I’m so excited to see what is to come.