This Too Shall Pass

12th November 2009

Text with 16 notes

Sobriety

My sobriety has it’s up and downs. Some days, it’s easy. But some days are really fucking hard. I have 33 days right now. It’s the first time in 10 years that I’ve gone more then 30 days without drinking or using. At a meeting today, is when it hit me that I haven’t gone more then a month without drinking and/or using since I was 15 years old. 15! I remember I went 3 months last year without drinking but little did my friends know that I was using cocaine on a daily basis. That all just kinda blew my mind today.

I’ve been going through a lot during these last few months. I’ve been making a ton of changes. I’m much happier now but I do have my moments of sadness. I just try not to feed into that sadness because I don’t want to end up back into a depression again. I’m sad that I lost my best friend of 3 years, not that she died but she no longer wants to be my friend. That’s been really hard for me and makes me want to turn to drinking to numb the pain. But then I remember that drinking hasn’t gotten me anywhere and I’ll just feel the same in the morning. Plus I have wonderful friends that help me get through these rough times. I also pray and ask God to help me relieve my desire to drink, which always works. On top of it all, I’m moving to Chicago next week and with that comes stress. The old me wants to turn to drinking to ease my stress and anxiety. But now I’m working on new and healthier ways to deal with it. To deal with everything, really. It’s been very overwhelming and somehow, through it all, I’ve stayed sober.